The Oppositional Child

How to Deal with an Oppositional Child


Does it seem like you are always arguing with your child or adolescent? Do they seem to purposely annoy you as well as be easily annoyed by others? Are they angry, resentful and possibly spiteful or vindictive? Do they intentionally defy or refuse to comply with you or other adult’s requests or rules? If so, your child may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Unlike many mental disorders, this one can be fixed without medication usually if parents are willing to work with a therapist on changing the communication style in the home as well as setting up a structured 2 Tier system for negative consequences.
How often are you having a disagreement with your child about something as simple as doing their chores and before you know it, you’re arguing with them about something that happened a year ago. These types of children are master minds at twisting conversations and changing the subject to keep an argument going. To understand how to change them, you first have to understand how they operate. Many times, they see the argument as the power, whereas you as parents are much more focused on the outcome. This is why they change the subject and attempt (usually successfully) to get you worked up emotionally.
So how do you fix this problem? Be aware of your own emotions when talking with your son or daughter and keep the conversation where you want it to be. Do not allow them to change the subject. And when either of you begin to get angry or upset, end the conversation. Remember, it takes two to argue. Children with ODD usually try to start arguments on their terms. For example, you just got home from work with bags of groceries. You’re tired from a long day and trying to put all the food away when your teenage daughter comes up to you and asks if she can go to a dance Friday night even though she is grounded. Are you ready for this conversation? Probably not, and she knows it. It is perfectly alright to tell her that this is not a good time and that you will talk to her about it after dinner. Set a time for them. That does tend to help. If they continue to go on, ignoring them can also work. Remember, it takes two to argue.
Setting up a 2 Tier system for consequences and rewards is also useful for controlling their behavior. This system is not only useful for children with ODD but all children and adolescents. Instead of automatically giving them one consequence for negative behavior, which usually involves the loss of a privilege or item, the first consequence is to DO something. Give them an extra chore or tell them they must write an essay based on the behavior and what they could do differently next time. If they don’t complete the task in the time frame you have given them, then they lose something. This way they feel like they have a choice in the matter AND it can help you with tasks around the house!
There is much more involved in a 2 Tier system including rewards and setting up expectations and rules that you have for them. There is also much more involved in the communication aspect of working with a child with ODD. Counselors can help in this area by teaching you the styles of communication needed and role playing with you so you will be at your best when you go home and face your child. Remember, you can be in control of a conversation and where it is headed. Don’t give them the power. Remind them who the parent is and who the child is just by the way you interact with them.

Nice quote-talk more later

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, these nations always progressed through the following sequence:
From bondage to spiritual faith;
From spiritual faith to great courage;
From courage to liberty;
From liberty to abundance;
From abundance to complacency;
From complacency to apathy;
From apathy to dependence;
From dependence back into bondage."-
Generally attributed to Alexander Fraser Tytler (1747-1813), though unverified

Cover story

I made it into a professional periodical!!! I interviewed for a cover story about working with children and adolescents and my name is in it. It's nice to get some recognition that I know what I am doing and am good at it. Check it out

http://ct.counseling.org/2010/03/growing-pains/

Forgiveness and Your Health

Do you suffer from high blood pressure or cholesterol? What about chronic headaches, shoulder, neck, and/or other muscle pain? Are you struggling emotionally with signs of depression, anxiety, anger management, or sleep problems? Forgiveness has the power to change all these ailments without one step to a physician’s office or any medications. Mayo Clinic has been doing research that indicates lower levels of blood pressure, muscle pains, and decreased dysfunctional emotional symptoms from finding forgiveness in their lives.
Most of us suffer from anger either towards others or ourselves about some negative event that has happened in our lifetime. Some of us hold on to that anger and resentment for decades. Imagine what all that hardened emotion is doing to you from the inside. It can develop into a chronic state of depression, an ulcer, or a tumor.
Morter Health Systems has developed a five step guide to working on forgiveness. This holistic approach with the help of a mental health counselor can get you on the road to recovery from physical and emotional ailments. The first step is to forgive you. It can be extremely challenging to forgive others if you can’t even forgive yourself. This can be difficult, depending on the severity of the wrongdoing. Some of us simply need to forgive ourselves for being angry at another and some of us struggle with issues as heavy as abortion. Seek a trained counselor if you need to talk through sensitive issues with a non-judgmental, confidential, and professional person.
The second step is to forgive others. It is not necessary for you to tell them they are forgiven. There may even be cases where a person believes they have done nothing wrong and will laugh at the idea of being forgiven, which may start the whole process over for you. The important aspect to remember is your feeling of peace and forgiveness about that person.
Third, be able to allow others to forgive you. If you have honestly done step number one, step three will not be as complicated. Knowing you deserve that forgiveness and have done so for yourself makes it easier to accept from someone else. Remember that this does not always mean they will forgive you or that you even need to ask for their forgiveness. The deeper meaning here is that you be open and free of anger and resentment.
Step number four involves wishing the other person well. This does not mean that you are condoning any behavior they may have wrongfully done to you. You use step four to help envelop a freedom from the burdens of anger and resentment you have beyond simple forgiveness. Although step number four appears to be about the other person, it is inevitably about you, your health, and happiness.
Lastly, step five is to learn the lesson. So often in life we make a mistake and become angry with ourselves but then later we are making the same mistake again. Whether that be to get involved with someone who is unhealthy for us or our own personal mistakes towards others, we need to be aware of the mistake and stop the cycle. So work the steps and learn the lesson so you are not reliving the pain over and over.
Mental health counselors, physicians, and even chiropractors like Dr. Rose Melvin of Peoria Heights are using an approach to forgiveness to help battle people’s physical and emotional problems. There is light, peace, and serenity at the end of the tunnel.